Let me love you
by Suomalainen-Sisu
Summary: "Please. Help me. Please!" Kurt sobbed, eyes clouded in sadness and pleasure as he rocked desperately against my thigh. Locking away my feelings, I reached up and grasped hold of his hips. "Let me look after you." I murmured and pulled him closer.
1. Chapter 1

**Takes place between Furt and Original songs.**

**Warning: EXPLICIT ManxMan action**

**Pairing: BlainexKurt**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee**

Although the circumstances we had met had been less than cheerful, the connection we had formed in such a short time was remarkable. Almost foolish you could say. Because how can two short months turn a complete stranger into your best friend? I doubt neither of us understood it either. But we let it happen anyway.

Because he was truly amazing. Kurt Hummel, that slim, witty boy with breath-taking pale green eyes that had stood so nervously on that staircase. He had reached out to me and in turn I had become his mentor, someone to lean on when it all became too much.

Because on that staircase, I had seen a kid, a boy, so innocent and fragile yet alight with burning determination and strength.

He had needed guidance so I helped him in the only way I knew how. "Courage" I had said and watched his face light in hope. Because that's exactly what I had given him. Hope. Hope for the future and a world that would no longer judge him.

But along our journey something had happened.

Every time our eyes met accidently, I would quickly avert mine and a violent blush would cover my face. Every time we touched, a shiver would run down my spine and we'd spring apart quickly. Soon all the actions we had done in the past, simply as friends in need of comfort had turned into something more. I began spending my days with a scarlet blushes coating my features, stammering and stuttering awkwardly in embarrassment around him.

And just like that. I had fallen for him.

I began to finally see him, the real him. Not just that mask that he had placed on to hide his true feelings and insecurities. I saw happiness and sadness, frustration and amusement, all simultaneously. Raw emotion. And I was happy, so happy. That he was willing to finally let me in.

_I think I'm in love with you Kurt Hummel._

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><p>But those days had long ago disappeared, I knew something had been bothering Kurt recently. I noticed it instantly, how his stance was no longer relaxed and cheerful, but instead stiff, as if he was waiting for something. His eyes no longer held that childish sparkle that had captivated me from day one, now they held a strange panicked and confused expression.<p>

His comments never held that slightly cocky, sarcastic tone that they had before and he allowed me to tease him mercilessly without saying a word. Days ended with him swiftly leaving the academy with awkward, swift goodbyes and I'd watch him drive away, always thinking the same thing. _What's wrong Kurt?_

I spent hours racking my brain for the cause. Stress? Pressure? Bullies? His dad? Worries? It could have been any of those. Or, it could have been all them.

It was almost painful, watching the boy tear himself apart over the most trivial things, watching him distance himself away from everyone. I knew something was wrong. But why wouldn't he just acknowledge that he's hurting? His life would be so much easier if he would simply admit that to himself. I had tried asking but he had always changed the conversation. Didn't he realise that I would be there, with open arms, ready to catch him if he ever fell? To comfort him and tell him that everything, no matter what it was, would be okay.

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><p>After weeks of waiting, of weeks of Kurt beating himself up over something unknown to me, I finally decided to get to the bottom of the problem. Deciding to invite him over rather than confronting him somewhere someone could easily over listen to turned out to be a smart idea. And the poor boy almost reluctantly agreed to my invite.<p>

He appeared at my door a day later, and I invited him into the otherwise empty house. With my parents out, the opportunity was just too perfect. And had the situation not been so dark and worrying I would have been blushing at mere thought of what could happen. Instead, I offered to take his coat and asked if he wanted a drink, to which he politely declined.

I proposed going to my room and the brunette swiftly agreed without a moment's hesitation. It seemed that the formal presentation of the living room had caused a similar discomfort in him as it had in me. Upon entering my room however his expression quickly turned distrustful and he harshly demanded to know why I had invited him over. Ignoring him I moved to sit on my bed and encouragingly patted the spot beside me. Joining me, he sat awkwardly, waiting for my answer.

Sighing, I replied. "We're best friends, aren't we? Is it wrong that I ask you to come round once in a while?

He seemed to accept my answer and we sat in a gloomy silence. Time passed and the silence continued to stretch. Standing up, I began pacing around the room; I could see his face in the reflection of the window. It bothered me, his face, a neutral expression, showed no signs of any emotion and his eyes appeared unfocused. Almost as if his mind was no longer in the room and only his body remained.

"What's wrong, Kurt?" I suddenly asked, I stopped pacing and waited for a reply.

I watched the brunette blink as his eyes focused on mine. "Nothing." He denied simply but I saw his expression darken. Good. At least it was better than it was before. Whether unhappy or happy, both were better than nothing.

"Tell me." I pushed gently, Kurt was obviously fragile and I didn't want to break him.

"Why do you keep asking?" He suddenly snapped and I watched his eyes widen in surprise at his own voice. Swallowing he averted his eyes and fiddled with the fabric of my duvet. He probably hated the current situation, and trust me, so did I, but I couldn't allow him to draw a shield around his emotions. I wasn't about to let him block me out.

"I'm your best friend Kurt! I can't let you go on like this. Whatever it is, whatever you need. I can help you." I sighed. "I will help you."

"N-n-no. I do-don't need anything." He denied and shook his head, but I could see his hands begin to tremble as he wrapped them tightly around his slim figure. He was cracking.

"Please Kurt." I tried again. "Just let me in. Okay? And we'll fix it. I promise."

He raised his head, eyes filled with that hope I had once placed there. Smiling encouragingly I held out my hand to him. He whimpered and before I knew it he was in my arms, face buried in my shoulder. Tears wrecked through his body and he shook violently. Rubbing my hand soothingly across his back I attempted to calm him. "It's okay Kurt. It's okay." I told him as I returned his hug.

"I-I ne-need-" His voice sounded strained. "I w-want…ple-"

"What is it Kurt? What do you need?" Tears continued to soak my shirt as I rocked the trembling boy gently in my arms.

I heard Kurt take in a shaky breath as he reached to wrap his pale arms around my shoulders, drawing me closer. I couldn't help but notice how he smelt, a strange combination of vanilla, strawberries and something that could only be described as Kurt. It smelled truly delicious. His arms clung to me tightly, almost as if he were afraid that I'd push him away. It caused me to frown. _I would never push you away Kurt. _I confirmed in my head.

But the actions that followed shortly after forced me to rethink that statement.

As I held the boy I felt him nestle his face against my neck. Smiling, I continued to caress his back in a comforting away.

Until I felt the wet, pleasant feeling of a tongue making its way up my neck, pausing to suckle softly on my pulse. I felt my breath hitch and my eyes widened in shock as a shiver took hold of my body.

"K-Kurt?" I swallowed. "Kurt, what are you-?"

I stood frozen as the brunette reached up and took one of my earlobes between his teeth, nibbling softly and I felt pleasure run through me. "Pl-please Blaine." I heard a whisper. "Help me…please?"

"N-no, Kurt! No!" I insisted and pushed him away. Hurt flashed through his eyes and my heart twisted in sympathy. The tears fell faster and I watched as Kurt struggled to regain control of his emotions.

"Yo-you d-don't want m-me? I-I thou-" He began shakily but I cut him off, hands clutching his face, I wiped his tears, leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"God, Kurt. You have no idea how much I want you. But not like this. You're too weak and fragile at the moment. I can't do this. You're not ready." I told him.

Kurt bit his lower lip and shook his head in angry protest, face filled with agony. Reaching a shaky hand out, he pushed me to sit on the bed and straddled my legs before I could protest.

"Ku-!" I managed before my lips were covered by his. They felt soft and full on top of mine as he kissed me desperately while I sat frozen underneath him. My lips neither meeting his nor pushing them away. I simply sat, unmoving and unresponsive as millions of emotions rushed through me. Confusion, sadness, happiness, lust. They all seemed to bundle together, preventing me from actually feeling a single one.

"B-Blaine?" Asked a hesitant voice above me and I realised that Kurt was no longer kissing me, instead he sat breathing heavily staring at me as I struggled to regain my ability to talk. Tears still trailed down his soft cheeks and I watched them, falling softly onto my shirt without a sound.

Unable to meet his eyes I shook my head, and lifted my arms, ready to push him off. "No. No. N-No. Please." He begged, shifting impatiently on my lap as he tried to bring my arms round his waist. Leaning forward once more he attacked my neck, this time sucking harshly as he continued to tremble in my arms. "L-Love me? J-Just this once? Please?"

"Kurt. Kurt, n-" I froze as the brunette shifted once more, feeling the bulge that had formed in his trousers brush against me, my eyes widened and I sat gaping as Kurt continued to beg and plead. Shifting, I moved my leg and cursed myself for enjoying the almost inaudible whimper that left Kurt as I rubbed against him.

"I-I can't" I stuttered but for some reason, I couldn't stop him. I didn't even try. I simply let the kisses to fall onto my face. I let him rotate his hips against mine in an erotic manner. And I allowed him to continue that string of moans and whimpers that escaped his mouth as he writhed against me.

"Make me forget. P-Please Blaine."

I finally allowed myself to look into his eyes. I finally let myself take in the picture, his glossy eyes, messed up hair, the loud pants that fell from his mouth and the way he moved against me desperately, searching and pleading for my response.

"Please. Help me Blaine. Please!" Kurt sobbed again, eyes clouded in sadness and pleasure as he rocked desperately against my thigh. And then I finally realised. That this was Kurt's way of trying to forget everything, his way of trying to get rid of all that pressure and worries that had built up over the months, even if it only lasted an hour or so. He was searching for comfort and love from someone he trusted. From me. He wanted me to take his pain away, to block it out with pleasure and lust.

Locking away my feelings and all the things that urged me to push the boy away, I reached up with shaky fingers and grasped hold of his hips. "Let me look after you." I finally murmured and pulled him closer.

_Let me love you Kurt. Just this once._

Our lips connected again, but this time, both willingly. Running my tongue teasingly along the younger boy's lips I felt him gasp and open his mouth, permitting me permission to enter and submitting instantly. Exploring his mouth I felt his inexperienced tongue come in contact with mine. Hands ran through my curls and I leaned backwards, lying on the bed as Kurt straddled me.

Looking up at Kurt's flushed face, half-lidded eyes and parted mouth I couldn't help but be left speechless at the boy's stunning beauty. Any man would be lucky to have him, yet this divine innocent boy seemed to have no idea at just how perfect he truly was.

Flipping us over I hungrily attacked his neck, biting and sucking as he shivered violently beneath me, hands coming up to hesitantly rest in my hair. My hands came up to slowly unbutton his shirt, taking time and care to kiss each piece of skin that became visible. I saw Kurt's frustration at the slow pace grow, and soon his hand was reaching down to unbutton my jeans, slapping his hand away effortlessly I licked his earlobe and murmured "Shh…no need to rush, just let me take care of you." I let my breath fan across his face and felt him tremble beneath me.

Soon his shirt lay forgotten on the floor as I littered his chest with kisses, sucks and licks. Coming across a pink nipple I licked sensually around it before enveloping it in the heat of my mouth. "Uhh…" Kurt moaned as I nibbled gently on the hard nub. Switching to the other I gave it similar treatment while kneading the other with my fingers and a string of moans followed. His chest was smooth, hairless and lean without being too skinny, muscles clearly visible in a way that wasn't freakishly scary.

Suddenly I sat up. Worries clouded my thoughts. Kurt wanted this, but was I just taking advantage of him when his defence barriers were down? Was I doing this purely for my own selfish needs?

"Ku-Kurt? Are you-?" I stuttered, trying to voice my thoughts while praying that he would push me off on his own, but instead he groaned and pulled down into another kiss. It was hasty and sloppy and I could taste the salty remains of tears. Separating, we both panted heavily.

"Yes Blaine! Please…Touch…me…Make…me…forget." He gasped as he reached up to tweak his own nipple.

"…Okay Kurt." I gulped and shut down the last ounce of my hesitation before reaching down to cup Kurt through his trousers. The boy groaned and arched of the bed in a desperate attempt to get closer and to get more friction. I couldn't deny that I was being turned on by Kurt. The sounds he made, his smell, his taste, his appearance and the way he felt beneath me, they were all addictive and I couldn't help craving for more.

Stripping off my own shirt I lowered myself back down so that our chests were touching. His pale hairless one next to my own tanned hairier one, like art, they seemed to complement each other. My hand, currently stroking Kurt through his trousers began slowly unzipping his pants. Teasingly, I stroked along the waistband of his navy boxers, along the hairless skin before dipping lower but only slightly.

"P-Please." Kurt gasped, his voice was laced with want and within seconds he was beneath, completely bare and revealed while his trousers and boxers lay in a messy heap on the floor. I gasped and Kurt blushed, the redness spreading throughout his body as he shifted nervously below me, as if waiting for my verdict "Beautiful." I described and he flushed a darker shade in embarrassment. The first time I had ever truly seen a boy naked, and here he was, a soft innocent virgin that lay begging for my touch. Begging for me.

I left my fingertips skim along his long legs till they finally reached their destination. Wrapping my hand around Kurt, I gave a gentle squeeze and let out a shaky breath. Beginning to move my hand I looked up in time to see a series of moans erupt from the younger boy's mouth as he bucked into my hand, seeking more friction. I continued my actions and even at one point leaned down to flick my tongue across the top; earning me a high shriek and violent jerk of the boy's hips. The taste was unusual, bitter, but not unpleasant.

Soon, Kurt's movements became faster, uneven and more desperate and his eyes fluttered shut as he fisted the cotton sheets beneath him. My strokes also became faster and rougher as I rushed to finish as soon as possible. And shortly after, the boy shook, eyes snapping open while he left out a loud moan and stammered "Uhh… B-Blaine…." The noise itself had me groaning in reply and together with the sight of the boy lying, completely exhausted beneath me with the sticky remains of what we had done on his chest had my erection twitching painfully in the tight constraints of my pants.

Unable to look Kurt in the eye I began to rise to get off the bed, only to have my hand grabbed. "K-Kurt?" I stuttered.

"N-No, not yet. P-Please, I need more." He pleaded.

I froze. "I can't." _I can't take your virginity. Not like this. _

"Please. We've done so much. Just finish it. Please Blaine. P-Please."

I shook my head, got off the bed and made my way into the nearby bathroom, closing the door behind me. I couldn't do it. Resting my head against the door I heard the broken sobs from outside and I felt my heart crack just that tiny bit more. I looked at my reflection, my messed up hair, my swollen lips and my undone pants. Any other man would have been thrilled at the chance to fuck the young virgin in the next room, but instead I felt dismal and angry at myself. The emotions built as the cries in the next room continued. _Don't do it. Please, don't do it._ I tried to tell myself but as a silent sob wrecked through my body I realised I couldn't leave him like that.

Kurt had finally confided in me, although not necessarily through words, he had told me how alone he was. How he craved to be held and loved, just this once. And I couldn't just leave him, after all I'd already done, leaving now would probably make the whole thing worse than it already was. Kurt wants this. Kurt needs this. I told myself.

So after much panicked searching, I finally found the condom I had foolishly purchased over a year ago and grabbing the hand lotion that had sat so conveniently on the bathroom counter, I faced the door as my hand hovered shakily above the knob.

I turned the doorknob and entered the room without a second thought. _I can do this._

Kurt lay curled feebly on the bed, his limbs shook and his face was streaked with new tears as he made no attempt to cover himself up. I rushed over to him and kissed him once more; the boy gasped in surprise but quickly responded.

"Let me love you." I muttered. I uncapped the hand lotion and swiftly squirted a generous amount onto my finger. I wanted this to end as quickly as possible, but at the same time I wanted Kurt to enjoy it. It was his virginity I was taking, and while he may have currently not cared much for it, I certainly did. His first time deserved to be special and I planned to make sure that it was.

The brunette's body still shook, but the tears had ended, and for that, I was grateful. Reaching behind his body, I felt around for an opening. Circling the tight muscles around it carefully first I felt Kurt shiver from a mixture of pleasure, nerves and anticipation. He had also begun to harden again and I gave him a quick stroke before prodding with my middle finger and slowly slipping it within him.

Muscles instantly tightened around me as the boy squirmed uncomfortably beneath me. "Relax okay." I told him while desperately trying to follow my own instructions. My heart was beating wildly and I surprised that the brunette had yet to hear it, then again, his thoughts were probably focused on something else.

I felt the boy relax and soon a second finger had joined the first. A similar tightening occurred again and I simply smiled in a comforting way before continuing. Separating and stretching my fingers within him, he soon began to loosen and seconds later was responding to my touches by hesitantly pushing against my fingers. A third finger joined the other two and the boy began wildly pushing against me, begging for me to go deeper. I simply smirked and curled my fingers. The response being a silent scream followed by the arching of his back and the clenching of his eyes as his body was overtaken by blinding pleasure.

"You like that?" I asked, already knowing the answer, and the boy could merely whimper and nod in reply as my fingers curled against that spot again.

Withdrawing my fingers caused another whimper and the boy sat silently staring as I disposed of my trousers and boxers before rolling on a condom and coating myself in the lotion. Positioning myself outside his entrance I looked once more into those eyes I had fallen in love with. "Are you sure you want this?" I asked.

"Yes! Please Blaine." He responded and I felt my heart clench a final time.

And then I finally entered him. The heat and incredible tightness caused a loud groan to escape me as I pushed forward. Sweat dripped from my body as I shakily came to a stop, fighting the urges to just pound mercilessly into the body beneath me. Instead I waited and whispered comforting words as a tear of pain slipped down Kurt's cheek. Leaning down, I licked it away and placed a kiss against those moist lips I had come to crave. "It'll go away. The pain will go away. I promise." I whispered and continued to rain a shower of kisses onto the boy's face. Finally the pain turned to discomfort and finally Kurt glanced up through those thick lashes of his and nodded for me to continue.

I withdrew slightly from the boy before plunging into the heat. The brunette groaned beneath me and pushed back against me. Soon we found our rhythm and Kurt reached up to wrap his arms once more around my neck, pulling me into a bruising kiss that muffled our sounds.

Changing my angle slightly I plunged in once more and was rewarded with a surprised scream of pleasure as I hit against that spot within him. Continuing to brush against it turned Kurt into a writhing wreck and all he could do was cling and convulse helplessly whilst I continued my onslaught. His body was being overloaded with sensations and feelings he'd never dared experience before and I knew he wouldn't last much longer.

Fingernails scratched down my back desperately in a way that felt surprisingly pleasurable as Kurt clung to me while attempting to hold control over his body. But he couldn't stop the endless chant of "Blaine. Blaine. Blaine." Or the flood of moans and shrieks that left his mouth when I rotated my hips dangerously and teasingly.

Finally, a scream of pleasure filled the air as Kurt convulsed violently and came all over both himself and me. The wild spasms of his muscles squeezing around me soon had me shuddering and groaning as I also came, a whispered "K-Kurt." Left my lips and I collapsed on top of the skinny boy.

Rolling off him, I pulled out and disposed of the condom. Kurt snuggled against me, breathing slowing as he allowed sleep to overtake him. I guessed that was a good thing, it was better than the awkward and painful moment that would have ensured had he not fallen asleep. Sweat and other sticky remains clung to our skin in ways that reminded me painfully of what we had just done, making me feel both guilty and dirty at the same time.

The smell of sex hung in the air in a taunting way and I wished desperately to undue the events that had taken place over the past two hours. Had I just taken advantage of Kurt? Would he regret it in morning? How will our friendship change? I couldn't lose him. I buried my face into Kurt's bare shoulder and I allowed tears to leak from my eyes.

Darkness enveloped the room, but the steady breathing of Kurt and the pounding of my heart kept me awake as I dreaded the morning.

_I really do love you Kurt Hummel. Please forgive me._

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><p><strong>So what'd you think?<strong>

**First ever lemon, so be nice.**

**Please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I honestly did not expect the amount of reviews I got. Thank you so so so so so much! And due to high demand and almost every single review asking for a continuation I finally decided to write another chapter. Oh God, I hope it lives up to your expectations. *runs and hides in corner***

**Enjoy!**

I allowed myself to yawn as my eyes fluttered open gently. Reaching a hand up I scratched lazily at my chest as my eyes grew accustomed to the light that streamed through the windows in a spectacular way, showing the first glimpses of spring.

Spring was supposed to be happy, full of new life, beginnings, colours and things that were supposed to make you smile pathetically in content. But the strange thing was that I wasn't happy when I really should have been. And unfortunately the reason why was very clear to me and I was already dreading the painful conversation that would take place later in the day. The light from outside had caused the boy beside me to glow in breath-taking ways, carefully highlighting the trail of hickeys on his chest. And the light also allowed me to clearly see the clothes that littered the floor, not all of them belonging to me.

The warmth surrounding me should have been pleasant and under any normal circumstances should have made me roll around lazily. But not today, because the source of that wonderful heat happened to be lying next to me, glued to my chest and breathing slowly.

And the smell of coffee that hung faintly in the air, masking all other smells, it was clear sign that my parents had already departed for work, leaving me alone to my thoughts. But the horrid thing was that I wasn't alone. I was with the young boy who had pleaded for me to help him. The boy whose virginity had disappeared last night as he had writhed beneath me in unimaginable pleasure. And the coffee smell merely hid the smells of sex that I was sure still hung in the room.

All of these things reminded me of what had taken place last night and my body began to shake slightly as my heart clenched once more. I felt horrid and disgusted. It seemed that the few lonely hours of sleep I had gotten were all it had taken for my mind to convince myself that I had in fact selfishly used my best friend for my own stupid needs. The fact that it had actually been Kurt who himself had asked and initiated what had taken place seemed to completely fly past me at that moment as I tried desperately to still my shaking body.

_It was all my fault._

Tightening my grip on the boy before me, I took in a shaky, nervous breath and finally murmured, "How long have you been awake?" into the boy's bare shoulder.

"Long enough." Came the quiet response. The voice seemed relaxed as the brunette shifted in my arms and turned to face me. I quickly averted my eyes from his, not wishing to remind myself of how they had appeared so broken and helpless the night before or the way they had clouded with pleasure as we had rocked together.

"You didn't get much sleep, did you?" Kurt asked as he cautiously placed his head against my naked chest and frowned at the sound of my erratically beating heart. I watched his eyes flutter shut as he relaxed against me and eventually my own heartbeat returned to a steady rhythm.

"How did you know?" I finally asked after the oddly comforting moment of silence that had taken hold.

"You were shaking and sobbing all night." Was the response as Kurt sighed and unconsciously proceeded to make soft patterns onto my chest with his pale fingers. "I wanted to wake you. But you looked exhausted. So tired. And you were frowning in your sleep. You looked upset. Were you upset Blaine?"

My hand came to a gentle rest on Kurt's head as I bit my lip anxiously. I was almost ready to leap down onto my knees and beg for forgiveness, but it seemed that Kurt was more curious and confused rather than the angry boy I had expected him to be. So instead I settled by saying. "A little."

"I hate it when you're upset." Came a whisper and a fresh wave of tears threatened to leak from my eyes. Holding them I attempted a smile. But it didn't quite reach my eyes.

Another silence took hold until I decided to break it by asking. "Do you-do you want coffee?"

I was extremely cautious with my actions and words. I felt like I'd been dropped into shark infested waters and it seemed I was merely holding my breath, waiting for something to happen. Waiting for Kurt to turn around and scream insults into my face and blame me for what had happened.

Instead I felt Kurt smile and nod his head. "I'd like that." He said as rolled off the bed and stood up. As the sheet fell away I saw the first glimpse of the body I had admired so much last night. I saw the dark hickeys along with the sticky remains of sex and dried sweat that coated his lean stomach. I averted my eyes quickly, deciding to give him privacy as he dressed, but I didn't miss the hurt expression that appeared on his face as I looked away.

Standing up also, I hastily grabbed some sweatpants and an old hoodie and vanished into the bathroom to change. The thin wood of the door allowed me to hear the rustling of clothing and the odd gasp of pain as Kurt bent down to retrieve his clothes. The fact that Kurt felt sore hurt a lot more than it should have done. I had always known that it would hurt after the first time and I had accepted that. But because it was Kurt, my best friend who was hurting, I felt that the reason was entirely my own fault.

The movement ceased outside so I hesitantly peaked through. Seeing Kurt sat patiently, although rather uncomfortably on my now made bed, I entered the room.

"Coffee." I tried to grin this time. But it felt wrong and stupid, and the younger boy could blatantly see through my disguise.

Not waiting for the boy, I turned and disappeared through the door. The sound of graceful steps was the only sign that Kurt was behind me as I entered the large kitchen and set about making coffee.

Setting two steaming cups on the table I sat down and the room once more entered a deadly silence. Kurt glanced hesitantly at me over his coffee while I nervously twiddled my thumbs. Suddenly it seemed that my nails were the most interesting thing in the room.

Finally placing the half empty cup on the table I looked up. Kurt was busy chewing his lower lip in a way that I used to call 'totally adorable'. But now he looked more anxious then adorable - almost scared. His eyes appeared tired but the confusion was still evident within them. Our eyes met and he gave a faint smile, opened his mouth and murmured a soft, "I'm sorry."

I began coughing helplessly as I struggled to swallow down the sip of coffee I had previously taken. It would have been humorous moment had the situation not been so worrying. Kurt's words had been the last two that I had expected to come from his mouth. In my head, words such as "You whore!" or "I hate you" seemed to better fit the circumstances. But here he was, Kurt Hummel, apologising, to me.

Successfully regaining control of my breathing I managed to wheeze out "Why are you sorry?"

Kurt frowned. "This whole thing" He gestured up the stairs. "It was my fault, and I should be the one apolo-"

"No!" I cut in. Kurt was wrong, it wasn't his fault. It never was and it never will. Because this whole thing had my fault. Mine, mine and mine. No one else's.

"_I _should be the one apologising! I shouldn't have – I'm sorry. I'm really, _really_ sorry." I cried out.

"Don't be."

"But -"

"The fault is mine." The boy insisted.

"What! No! You're wrong." I retorted.

"How am I wrong? _Please_ enlighten me Blaine."

"I-" Words struggled to come from my mouth as I searched for an answer to Kurt's question.

"Exactly." Kurt snorted and stood. "Thanks for coffee." He said; placing his mug in the sink he turned towards the door. "Let's just forget this ever happened, okay. It'll be easier for both us."

I also stood up at that point. I wasn't about to let him leave with this problem unsolved. I wasn't about to let him take the blame for it either. Catching up with him I grabbed his pale arm and twisted him to face me.

"No. Wait - It wasn't you." I managed to say.

"Wasn't it? But wasn't I the one who threw myself at you? Wasn't I the one who kissed you first? Wasn't I the one sat in your lap rocking myself against you like some first-class whore? And wasn't I the one who begged _you _to make _me_ feel good!"

"N-No. I-"

"It was all me! All you did was follow what I told you to do."

"You were upset Kurt. I took advantage of that."

"I told you to fuck me!" Kurt shouted and we both gasped slightly at his words. It was first time either of had actually mentioned what exactly had happened last night. It seemed that actually saying the words reminded us of exactly of what we had done. And it just seemed to cause the situation to become a lot more painful.

"You were upset." I repeated firmly, refusing to back down. Couldn't Kurt see the selfish bastard I really was? Couldn't he understand that I had taken advantage of him while he had been weak and vulnerable?

Kurt scoffed at my response before shaking my arm of him. "When are you gonna understand that you did nothing wrong! Sure, I was upset. But it's not like I had lost control of my body and all rational thoughts! This whole thing happened because I was stupid. God, I was bloody stupid."

My face scrunched up in annoyance. "I disagree."

The countertenor gave a dramatic sigh. "I don't want to argue about this. Why can't you just accept what I'm trying to tell you!"

"Because I used you!"

A shocked silence enveloped the room.

"What! Don't be ridiculous Blaine!"

"But – But I took it."

"Took what?"

"Your virginity!" I yelled out, and a fresh wave of tears began to cascade down my cheeks.

"And I took yours!" Kurt screamed back, with tears similar to my own beginning to fall.

I gasped, my eyes widened in surprise and my entire body was overtaken by violent shakes.

"Or had you forgotten that?" The brunette finished in a quieter tone. His hands clenched and unclenched uncertainly by his side before he reached up with a shaky hand to wipe away a tear. His face was blotchy and his breathing, unsteady.

"Don't you dare, blame this on yourself Blaine. Don't you dare!"

"Kurt…"

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare." He continued to repeat his words until his sobbing took over and he stood there clutching at his waist. It was his way of trying to close me off. His way of pretending that no one existed besides him.

And I wasn't about to let him block me out.

Rushing over to him I enveloped the skinny boy in my arms. I was suddenly reminded again of last night. The way Kurt cried was just as awful today. And it hurt me just as much as it had last night.

"Don't cry. Don't cry. Shh…Kurt. It's okay." I comforted him as I led him into the living room. Sitting us down on the leather sofa I allowed him to cling and hold onto me as he shivered and his violent breathing took over the silence.

Soon his sobbing lowered in volume and as the boy leant closer he murmured softly.

"God, I feel so stupid. You're my best friend and I love you. I don't want to ruin our friendship over something like that." He gestured at us before burying his hands back into my hoodie.

My heart had begun pounding the second Kurt had said "I love you", I knew he didn't mean it like I wanted him to but the feeling of hearing those words was still overwhelming. I suddenly felt like one those pathetic schoolgirls with their pathetic little crushes. Except of course, I was a sixteen year old boy with a fellow sixteen year old adorable boy sat almost in my lap so the situation was completely different. But the feeling was almost identical, if not more real and intense.

"I-I know what we did is something that friends shouldn't do and that's why I really want to fix this. Fix us. Our friendship means a hell of a lot more to me then you'd ever understand. I-I need you Blaine. This whole _thing_ was stupid and I'm still desperately trying to make sense of why I did it." He tried to smile but it looked painful and in a matter of seconds new tears had begun to leak from his eyes. I wiped them from his soft cheeks.

_He needs me?_

"Kurt…" I whispered and the boy tightened his grip.

"Before this, I knew I was changing. And I knew that you knew that I changing. Guess I'm not as good an actor as I make myself out to be. I guess it was too just much stress. Dad's still recovering and we're really struggling with the Dalton tuition fees. I'm too worried about him so I stopped concentrating in class so my grades started suffering. Sure, Dalton is amazing. It really is. And I love it, but I feel lonely there. I know you're there but I miss my other friends. I call them and text them like all the time. But at the back of my mind I keep thinking that one day that's gonna end. That they're gonna move on and forget about me. And I'll be all alone again."

I nodded for him to carry on. Kurt took in a shaky breath and continued while I rubbed his back soothingly.

"I keep having nightmares in which I return to McKinley. God I'm such a coward. They're not even that bad."

"You're not a coward." I insisted. "And if these dreams are affecting your normal behaviour then they should be something that you should talk about."

Kurt gave me an uncertain nod.

"You can tell me if you want. I'll listen."

I don't think I can begin to describe how Kurt's relieved expression made me feel. The way he looked at me, eyes filling once more with faint hope. I guess I was taking off a heavy burden that the younger boy had been carrying for quite a while now. Kurt's blue eyes, now filled with both hope and hesitance flickered around the room, as if he was uncertain of where to begin. Meeting his eyes I gave a small encouraging smile and I watched with delight as he returned my smile.

"W-Well, Karofsky's there. He's always there. And he just s-stares at me and follows me, and I try to run but he doesn't disappear, not ever. It's too dark to see, but I know it's him. And sometimes he c-catches me. He insults me but his tone is too calm and caring, and it just scares me even more. Then he beats me and it feels like my dream is real, so I try to scream but no one cares. Cos hey, it's just that gay kid getting what he deserves, right?" He tried to laugh but his happiness was swallowed into the sea of tears that still flowed freely. I merely frowned at his attempted joke and allowed him to continue.

"He haunted my dreams every night and I-I just felt so awful. I really needed someone, someone who cared. To hold me and make feel like I was wanted. I thought you'd understand, that's the only reason I came over. I was gonna tell you all this. But then you held me and comforted me just like you're doing now I realised how much I'd missed being touched like that. You were so gentle and caring. S-So I thought you could give me more. Somewhere in my messed up head I guess I thought I'd feel better if you touched me – more intimately."

Kurt sniffed and clung to me tighter but I didn't miss the embarrassed blush that coated his features. "Last night, you made me feel – indescribable. When you t-touched me – it felt amazing. We did things that I've only ever dreamt of and it made so happy to think that someone wanted to do them with me."

His blush was still vibrant as reached down to clasp our hands together. Looking up he met my eyes.

"But now I feel so bad. The more I think about it the more I feel like I forced you to do this."

"No. No. Not at all. It was better for us to do – what we did. Rather then you keeping those feelings bottled up. "

"I-I guess. Thanks."

"I'm always here Kurt."

"I know." He smiled and laid his head against my shoulder.

It seemed silence was fast becoming my new best friend as all noises in the house once more ceased. Time seemed to pass slowly inside, and as we both sat in a thoughtful and content silence. Kurt occupied himself by drawing patterns onto my hoodie as his crying stopped. Silence seemed to work for both of us better than trying to pathetically come to a decent conclusion while avoiding arguments. Silence was good, because there was no need to talk and scream, we both took the support we needed from each other without asking and it seemed to work. So what was the point in disrupting that said silence?

Finally after what seemed like forever but had only in reality been an hour I exclaimed. "This is stupid. I keep blaming myself for last night. Every time I think about I think about how I should have taken control, how I should have stopped it. And then you keep blaming yourself by saying it was your fault, and I really hate you for it. But at the same time it tears me apart to see you like this."

Kurt lifted his head and glanced up. Biting his lower lip again, he said.

"W-Why don't we agree then? It was both of our faults. End of. Just us two idiotic teenagers who decided to experiment and ended up jumping into the deep end by mistake."

Kurt's words made sense. With both of fighting to prove our point, the best thing to do was probably to agree with both. Inside I still felt filthy and selfish, but the feeling was minimal. It was like Kurt's words had somehow managed to change how I felt about last night. And for that, I was grateful. Reaching Kurt's face I carefully wiped away all remains of tears and ran my hand through his soft brown locks.

"That's probably the smartest thing you've said all day." I finally replied and it suddenly seemed that all the dark words and lonely emotions just vanished from the room. The awkwardness left, leaving just us two, curled up on my mum's ridiculously expensive sofa enjoying each other's company once more. And just like that the bond between us was fixed again. No more awkward glances or self-pitying eyes. Just two friends, Kurt and me.

Kurt and Blaine.

"Pff, it's not like your brain cells have stretched far today either." Kurt teased back and reached up to yank on one of my curls.

"You're so lovely Kurt Hummel." I grinned back, my smile only grew as we both simultaneously realised how everything was back to normal.

"Love you too, best friend Blaine Warbler." He answered back with a grin before laughing at his own use of my nickname.

_Love you back, more than you'll ever understand._

"You're hilarious."

"Bet you're glad you've got someone as funny and attractive as me stuck with you now forever." He gave an adorable mocking pout and his eyes somehow managed to get even bigger.

"Who said anything about being stuck with you? Soon as I graduate I'm moving to Europe. Goodbye Kurt Hummel."

"Ah, you see, then I'll follow after you. You're not getting away that easily. Best friend, remember?" The brunette pointed out.

"Yeah…I remember."

_When will I have the courage to finally tell I don't want to be just friends?_

**Finished! Somehow it ended up turning kind-of happy when I was really really trying to end on a sad note. Ah well….least it now kind of fits into the canon.**

**Hope you liked it. : ) Reviews?**

**Oh and go check out Jazz Band, my new focus. Nothing better than a bit of self-promotion, eh? ;)**


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